i have it on good authority that barack obama had to ask what G20 was when he was tucking into egg and chips on air force one, two miles over the pond, on his way to little old london.

you see, he thought he was going to the launch of google's new mobile phone and he and his aides were all hoping for lots of freebies to go with the new half a billion dollar cadillac he had flown over with him.

as it is, he's had to put up with meeting folk like the queen - who thought he had wind, until someone pointed out that he always smiled a lot.  and gordon brown, who loves him so much i gather they're sleeping together tonight.

there are strong rumours that boris johnson, the mayor of london, is so fed up with the cost and inconvenience of the summit meeting that he has told his traffic wardens to wheelclamp barack's car.

you read it here first.