gordon the brown has decided that this recession lark could damage his chances of winning an election,
so he will soon be announcing that everyone is to receive a bag of cash.

plus, if anyone is so skint they can't pay their mortgage, the government will send someone round to queue up at the building society and pay the mortage for you - every month!
if you find yourself out of work, gordon will buy you a nice new HD telly.
and if you feel cheated because woollies has shut down, you can always try the new government funded pick n mix counter being installed at all jobcentres.

he's a lovely man, isn't he?

those nice people who run weatherspoon pubs have given us some more good news because they're cutting beer prices - 99p for a pint of IPA ...
however, rumour has it that if they see gordon coming, they'll double the price.
well, he can obviously afford it, can't he?